Entry: Getting Things Monday, April 21, 2014

When it comes to getting what I need versus getting what I want I think I've been going about them the wrong way. Ladies, women, females ... we all WANT to be romanced and swept off our feet by sweet gestures. We have these ideas of how things should be, how things should go, and what would be nice. But the reality is that some people just suck ass at doing anything independently. Tonight I learned that if I need free time, and if I need to relax then I NEED to tell someone what to do and when to do it. No it's not my ideal. Honestly I would like it if I didn't have to say things all the time. It's not romantic or thoughtful at all if someone is only doing something because they've been asked to. But hey, if they aren't that type then it's either tell them just so you can get at least some satisfaction, OR continue suffering from constant disappointment. You know what's the most ironic part about it? ... It's that folks will TELL YOU that they know what you want, and TELL YOU that they thought about doing it, but then NEVER (or extremely rarely) do anything at all! There's always some reason. "Well I was going to but ...."

I'm the grand gesture type. I've shown up places, provided things, attempted to help folks, etc. I don't think I have much of a problem when it comes to meeting people's needs except when I'm unhappy, or if it involves verbal communication. And that's because I suck at it. Yea yea I know I've made that clear, but I'll keep saying it until I don't think I suck at it anymore. It's sort of a reminder. Ha! Imagine if deadbeat dads had to wake up every day to a reminder message "you're a deadbeat, you suck." HAHAHAHAHHAA. Ok ok back to the point...

Is it possible that in telling people what you want, and it seems to be the same thing over and over, that they will actually retain that and begin acting independently on it? Because I don't think I can take a lifetime of asking for the same things. I'd get pissed off thinking, "OMG YOU STILL DON'T GET IT?!?!"

And if the things I think are small, the things I'd consider romantic and thoughtful, the things I'd like are all the things I'm having to request ... then what romance will there be? I don't want or need things that are over the top. I just want some "me time." ME!!! ME TIME!! For MYself. I think in my last relationship that was ignored because selfishly she wanted to be able to kill two birds with one stone. By helping half-assed she got to spend time with me and my son, even though she KNEW I'd rather have some time alone. I'd made it clear on several occasions that sometimes I don't want to do anything outside the house, but it's hard to do anything in/around the house with my son present. And then there are other times when I would like to be out of the house, doing whatever it is I want to do - childless. But when things are knowingly or unknowingly half-assed, then the most I get is half (at best) of what I really want. I put up with it. I did. I tried to be lenient. I tried to be understanding and accepting of the newness of the situation because of all the uncertainty and lack of confidence that was expressed. I waited a looooooooong time thinking things would change on their own. As things became more comfortable and more fluid I thought that maybe all the things that weren't originally done would start to happen because the reasons/excuses for not doing them no longer applied. But nope! That was my mistake again.

So, now I know. If I want to get what I need then I have to set aside my desire for grand gestures and just SAY SOMETHING! I don't know what that will do for my ego, but hey. I NEED breaks, but I WANT gestures ... It's fairly obvious which is more important.

#6 If I want something done, I have to make it happen - There are no mind readers.


Coping Strategy #1 = Ask for what I want. What's the worst that could happen other than being told no all the time.

Possible backlash resulting from this strategy: Using what could/should be "quality time" as "me time" could possibly become frustrating. But with such limited availability ... *shrugs*


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